Do you dread being in social situations? Do you have severe physical and emotional reactions when you know you have to interact in a group, and want to know more about social anxiety?
Defining Social Anxiety
Social anxiety disorder symptoms can vary. Some individuals may only suffer from a singular fear, such as eating, drinking, speaking, or writing when others are around or watching. Some people have a fear of using a public restroom. Others are fearful in all social situations and never feel comfortable around others. There is often an intense fear of being embarrassed in public.
What Does Social Anxiety Look Like?
The normal daily activities that most people take for granted are so horrifying and worrisome it can be physically debilitating. This illness can cause people to miss work or school if they fear they will have to get up and be seen or noticed. Many people with social phobia may have problems with relationships and can find it very difficult to meet and keep friends. Even when a person has friends, they may not be able to enjoy going out with them or being with them in large crowds of people who might be less well known.
The most common symptoms of social anxiety are:
Blushing or turning red
Profuse sweating
Trembling when approached or spoken to
Nausea and vomiting
Difficulty talking or finding words
How Common Is Social Anxiety?
This disorder affects approximately 5.3 million American adults with men and women being affected equally. Social phobia usually starts to develop in childhood or the early teens. There is belief that social anxiety disorder can also be hereditary so if a family member has it you are at a higher risk of developing it.
Treatment Options
Because of the nature and the severity of the anxiety people with this disorder have a higher risk of self-medicating with drugs and alcohol to try to relax and calm down. This only leads to worse problems and possibly addiction. Counseling can be very helpful in dealing with social anxiety. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is one method that can help you to identify and challenge the thoughts that are causing you to panic.
Available Resources:
Click here to download a free worksheet exploring social anxiety.
Curious about your symptoms? Take an unofficial social anxiety screening to see how you score. (This is not professional advice. Contact one of our counselors if you have serious concerns.)
A progressive intimacy disorder marked by compulsive sexual thoughts and actions is better identified as sexual addiction. As the disease progresses, the detrimental effects on the person with the addiction and their family members increase. Just as with substance addiction, thoughts and behaviors escalate and over time, to obtain the same outcomes, the addict typically needs to increase the addictive behaviors.
Activity may not advance beyond compulsive masturbation or the heavy usage of pornography. Likewise, it may involve phone or computer sex services for individual sex addicts. Addiction may include illicit acts with others, such as exhibitionism, voyeurism, pornographic phone calls, use of escorts, or affairs.
A very small percentage of sex addicts engage in criminal activity. Moreover, sex addicts are rarely sex offenders. Concern for the safety of children is common and a conversation with one of our therapists may be very helpful in terms of ensuring the safety of children and finding an appropriate course of treatment for the addiction.
What Are the Symptoms of Betrayal Trauma?
Another way to think of betrayal trauma the loss involved. All the typical symptoms of grief are common. These include: shock, denial and disbelief, anger, hopelessness, and depression.
Partners also experience confusion mentally, spiritually, and relationally. Sleeplessness, anxiety, hypervigilance, and any of a number of physical and emotional complaints are also common.
We support and normalize the symptoms associated betrayal trauma. You are not going crazy. These are normal reactions to an abnormal situation.
And most importantly, help is available.
Is Betrayal Trauma Healing Possible?
The American Society for Addiction Medicine defines addiction in part by:
Addiction is a treatable, chronic medical disease involving complex interactions among brain circuits, genetics, the environment, and an individual’s life experiences. People with addiction use substances or engage in behaviors that become compulsive and often continue despite harmful consequences.
Prevention efforts and treatment approaches for addiction are generally as successful as those for other chronic diseases. (ASAM Definition of Addiction).
Addictions are divided into two main categories, substances (alcohol, drugs) and processes (gambling, sex, food, etc.). Both substance and process addiction have the ability to change the circuitry of the brain, especially in areas related to the reward system.
Currently there are multiple descriptions for sex as an addiction. Here are some of them with links to more information:
In general, we distinguish between sex, porn, and love addiction. There are similarities and differences in each and they may overlap.
Sex addiction is what it sounds like; a person "acts out" by being sexual with another person.
Porn addicts primarily view pornography and generally masturbate.
Love addiction is need for connection, affirmation, validation, or some other emotional component that is acquired through relationship(s). One main difference between love addiction and a healthy committed relationship is the tendency for the love addict to move from one relationship to another frequently in their effort to have their needs met.
What is the Impact of Addiction on Partners?
Few things rock a partner's world more powerfully than the discovery of sexual betrayal. At the core of being human is a need to understand our world. We interpret all of life in order that we may predict, understand, and protect our place in the world. This is especially true of our relationships. We have expectations about how our life and relationships should unfold. These expectations are based on promises. The discovery or disclosure that our partner has betrayed us sexually shatters our understanding of our world.
We now call everything into question. Who is this person? What does this mean for the future? What about all the promises of the past? Who is this person? Who am I now that I realize that all I believed to be true is a lie? Am I safe? Are our children safe?
Betrayal trauma is the equivalent of an emotional tsunami. This is why it's so incredibly important for a partner to seek support. Sure, its the other person's problem. They acted out, not you. But you carry the pain and confusion of your partner's betrayal. And you need support for yourself and for those whom you love.
When Do I Need Support for Betrayal Trauma?
The short answer to that question is, "When you continue in a behavior despite negative consequences."
A simple six item assessment (PATHOS) is actually a reliable tool to start the journey on recovery. How many of these are true for you?
P = Preoccupation: Do you often find yourself preoccupied with sexual thoughts?
A = Ashamed: Do you hide some of your sexual behaviors from others?
T = Treatment: Have you ever sought therapy for sexual behavior you did not like?
H = Hurt others: Has anyone been hurt emotionally because of your sexual behaviors?
O = Out of control: Do you feel controlled by your sexual desire?
S = Sad: When you have sex, do you feel depressed afterwards?
If you answered "Yes" to three or more of the above items further assessment is needed.
Remember, any of the therapists at Counseling Alliance™ have the training and the ability to conduct such an assessment. Start your healing journey today.
What Types of Support for Partners Do You Provide?
Counseling Alliance™ offers a variety of supportive therapies for partners. Therapy options include:
Individual,
Group,
Peer Support,
Telehealth, and
JUMPSTART TO HEALING®.
Therapy approaches include Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, EMDR, Psychodrama, among others.
What Happens in Therapy?
People often wonder what happens in therapy. This can especially be true for partners who have experienced betrayal trauma. Here are some basics of what to expect. Our therapists will work with you to:
Help you process what has happened,
Get the story straight about the nature of the betrayal,
Find multiple sources of support so that you don't have to "go it alone."
Work with you to help you determine the next best course of action,
Help you develop a healing mindset for yourself first. Initially this means:
Establishing personal safety. For example, through setting healthy boundaries
Process your trauma. It is impossible for you to heal from your trauma without safety. Unfortunately too many partners become stuck in their trauma and as a result do not feel safe. Thus healing for betrayal never comes.
When ready, consider healing for the relationship.
Chart a course for the future.
Get your life back!
I would recommend Counseling Alliance to anyone needing trauma therapy help!
Nikki
Different Forms of Trauma and Abuse
Abuse occurs in many ways, can happen at anytime regardless of gender, age, or place in life. Abuse also occurs in different areas of life. Here are a few different forms of abuse that we treat at Counseling Alliance.
Sexual Abuse
Sexual abuse unfortunately occurs in childhood, adolescence, adulthood, and even in one's senior adult years. Sexual abuse is essentially any sexual contact or experience that is unwanted and can range from teasing or touching to assault. It can be a one time event (e.g., rape), or it can be ongoing. The impact of sexual abuse can be very debilitating and if left untreated those effects can last a lifetime.
Physical Abuse
Physical abuse can also happen across the lifespan. Pushing, shoving, slapping, or abusive actions that are more violent impacts those abused in many ways. A lack of trust, a loss of feeling safe, the inability to establish secure relationships, even questions about where was God when this was happening are not uncommon.
Emotional/Verbal Abuse
Emotional/verbal abuse is often the result of one person controlling, belittling, shame, or otherwise demeaning a more vulnerable person. Those abused often internalize negative beliefs about the abuser, themselves, or even life in general. Feelings of disconnectedness, lack of a safety, fear, or unhealthy ways of coping with difficult memories and or emotions through food, substances, or other distracting behaviors are not uncommon.
Spiritual Abuse
Spiritual abuse doesn't get as much attention as the other areas noted above. This does not mean it is more rare, or less impactful. Spiritual abuse can include such things as demanding another person believes the same way as the person making the demands, unrealistic expectations, excessive or inappropriate disciplines for failing to meet a particular standard, or, using Scripture or one’s faith system to coerce certain behavior from another person. This could be a minister, a spouse, a parent, or other significant person in an individual’s life. Just a couple of the consequences of spiritual abuse include: feeling as though you never quite measure up, or an inability to live out your faith in the manner you believe is appropriate. In essence, the religiously abusive individual denies others of their own reality with regard to what is right, true, and appropriate.
Am I Dissociating?
Dissociation
Are you concerned that you are dissociating? Dissociation can be a debilitating disorder that impacts a small percentage of the population (about 1.5% of adults). Those who have this disorder may be in therapy as long as seven years on average before they receive an accurate diagnosis.
Symptoms include:
Losing time. Having gaps in the day when you cannot remember where you were of what you were doing.
Experiencing two or more personality states (feeling as though you are someone else).
Depersonalization
Depersonalization. This may be experienced as: Feelings of unreality, detachment, or being an outside observer to one's thoughts, sensations, body or actions.
Derealization
Derealization. This may be experienced as feeling detached to one's surroundings. (e.g. individuals or objects are experienced as unreal, dreamlike, foggy, or distorted.)
How to Get Help
As noted, this disorder is rare, but elements of this do exist. If you have experienced these symptoms please know two things:
This is a reaction to having experienced significant trauma in your life. You are not "crazy," you are a victim of trauma.
Help is available.
If you feel as though you have experienced any of these symptoms a call to Counseling Alliance® is recommended. Therapists can conduct an assessment that will help you determine what the next best action step for you is, and get you started on the healing journey.
What is Developmental and Relational Trauma?
Developmental Trauma
Author and speaker Pia Mellody wrote, "None of us escape childhood unscathed." Even when we have well-intentioned parents who are loving and caring, we in our childlike minds, often internalize negative messages. Common messages include:
I'm not good enough, smart enough, pretty enough, or some other negative message about ourselves.
Other messages include believing our caregivers are unsafe, hurtful, unavailable, or some other negative message that results in us as children feeling very alone.
Dr. Mellody defines abuse as "anything less than nurturing."
Unfortunately, we carry these negative internal messages into adulthood and they can powerfully impact our mental, emotional, spiritual health, relational, and even physical health as adults. And unfortunately, we often pass this woundedness on to our children, thus perpetuating generational trauma.
Relationship Trauma
The average couple waits about 7 years to address issues in their relationship. These chronic, unresolved issues can lead to a lack of connection, trust, and ultimately to separation or divorce.
How To Get Help
There is help! Two options are available. Traditional weekly appointments are favored by some as a way to find frequent and ongoing help. A JUMPSTART TO HEALING® may be right for you and your partner if:
You need a relationship tune-up
Are in a relationship crisis
Have discovered infidelity
Are attempting to reconcile
Are considering if marriage is right for you
Geographic distance prevents you from having weekly sessions. We have, and continue, to serve people throughout the Midwest and beyond.
Therapists at Counseling Alliance® have advanced training in recognizing and treating developmental and relational trauma. Stop the cycle. Bring healing to yourself as well as others in your family.
Do You Need Family Therapy?
Is your family going through a stressful time? In that case, whether it's due to stress, anger, or sorrow, family therapy can make a difference. It may help spouses, teenagers, or extended family members learn to connect better and function through conflict.
What is Family Therapy?
Family therapy or family counseling is a type of care intended to resolve particular problems impacting the family's health and functioning. It can support a family as they navigate stressful times, significant changes, or emotional or behavioral health issues of family members.
The therapist views the issues of individuals within the broader unit, the family. The premise of this form of counseling is that issues can not be effectively discussed or resolved without knowing the community's nature. For example, how the spoken and unspoken rules of a family affect how the problems have developed and are supported or promoted by other family members.
You can experience a quick and powerful boost in your recovery with our JUMPSTART TO HEALING® . You will receive the undivided attention of a highly skilled therapist who will guide you through assessment and treatment of relational issues. Treatment is personal and tailored to your needs, not a "cookie-cutter" approach. The tradition 50-minute session, or two-three hour extended sessions are available.
What Types of Treatments Do You Do?
Family therapy can use cognitive therapy, psychodrama, or other forms of therapy to provide effective care. The methods used will depend on the client's or family's particular issues.
In Family Therapy You'll Learn and Practice:
Conflict management skills
Communication skills
Building trust and connectedness
Foundations of friendship
Sex, Porn, and other problematic sexual issues
Guidance and support for parents related to porn use or other sexual problems
Infidelity
Questions or problems related to faith
When Does A Family Need Therapy?
Don't think of family therapy as something for those families that are deeply troubled. We can help families navigate many difficult times, from the minor to the major:
Parenting of teens
LGBTQI+
Addiction
Life transitions
Grief & Loss
Some of the topics family therapists can assist with are:
Conflicts amongst members of the family
Divorce
Abuse
Childhood Milestone Development issues
Behavioral Problems
Spiritual Problems
Counseling Alliance helped my family learn how to communicate again. Our relationships have never be stronger.
Tyler
Considering Marriage & Relationship Counseling?
Often, it seems the challenges experienced in relationships outweigh the support within relationships. The therapists at Counseling Alliance® have advanced training, from internationally known experts to help you recover connection and hope for your relationship.
What is Marriage Counseling?
Marriage and Relationship counseling helps couples regain insight into their relationship, resolve conflict, discover and treat barriers to secure attachment, and increase relationship satisfaction through various therapeutic techniques.
How Does Marriage Counseling Work?
Research shows that 80% of difficulties within a relationship are a result of problems the individuals bring with them into the relationship. As a result, both everyone must be committed to doing their own work as well as working to strengthen the relationship. One of the many ways our therapists address these issues is through assessments that provide insight into one's own personality dynamics. These assessments often provide clarity regarding the problems in the relationship and can in fact accelerate the healing journey.
At Counseling Alliance®, our therapists will help you understand each person's characteristics and behaviors. Our training and experience enables us to positively impact both personal and relationship barriers to a fulfilling relationship. Couple's counseling is not intended for one spouse to unpack anger, frustration, or other malicious actions towards their spouse. It's about unlocking strategies focused on passion, commitment, connection and everything that goes into a healthy relationship.
A Therapist can also help you with:
Encouraging more two-way communication,
Building more meaningful ways of communicating and thinking,
Show different ways for a couple to display their love and support for each other,
Address issues related to infidelity, or other problematic behaviors.
What Types of Treatments Do You Do in Couples Therapy?
Couples therapy is offered in the traditional 50-minute session format. This is probably the least effective approach because there is so little time to really work through the issues raised. For some, due a variety of reasons, this is their choice and if it is, that's okay.
Two to four hour sessions are much more effective. They can also be spaced out and doing so helps keep the cost low.
Our JUMPSTART TO HEALING® option is a very effective way to begin the healing journey. This has also proven to be a very desirable option for couples who live farther away. We have couples who travel to us from across the country to participate in Jumpstarts.
Call today to talk about treatment options or to schedule an appointment.
When Do You Need Marriage Counseling?
The average time between a couple having difficulties and seeking help is six years. In that time patterns of miscommunication, poor conflict resolution, problems with emotional connection and intimacy become deeply entrenched. Gridlock can occur and couples become stuck. Ideally, when you're not in a difficult situation you should find a therapist when the times are good—Here's why.
It's kind of like how you're supposed to have a relationship with a doctor before you get sick. It's nice in theory, but we're all busy in reality. Good doctors are hard to find and even harder to get into see. Most of us won't try to do the legwork if there's nothing wrong urgently.
Couples therapy can be preventive treatment. Life events such as job changes, moving to a new city, the birth of a new child, or other significant events are great opportunities to address issues which may prevent problems later on. Therapy can also be about improving another aspect of your relationship. Many couples experience perpetual problems that are irritants in the relationship but not necessarily threatening to the future of the relationship.
You and your spouse will be in a much better position to face larger problems if you are functioning well as a couple and have a connection with a supportive counselor. You won't have the added pressure to find a therapist in a rush, which is significant.
Why You Should Seek Help
When problems exist, the faster you and your spouse can get into counseling, the better. The longer you wait, the more bad relationship habits (yelling, ignoring, and other behaviors) become common. As a result, the more difficult it is to break those bad habits.
Many people prefer to see couples counseling as an emergency rather than a preventive step. Couple's counseling is a great way to determine where you are at in your relationship, including how to get the most of it.
If problems do exist, the more quickly you find help the better. It is possible to regain the joy of your relationship.
Therapists at Counseling Alliance® have advanced training in helping couples become unstuck. We have experience working with issues of infidelity, addiction, communication, and a wide variety of other relationship problems. Take the first step in resolving your relationship problems by calling our office today for an appointment.
I would recommend Counseling Alliance to anyone needing marriage counseling. My marriage is stronger than ever thanks to them.
Sarah
What is Spiritual Abuse?
In an ideal world, you would hope that churches and homes are safe and nurturing places for our spiritual growth and development. Unfortunately, the opposite is sometimes true. Read more below to discover the nature of spiritual abuse.
What is Spiritual Abuse?
Why is so much is being said about spiritual abuse these days? Unfortunately because so many are recognizing they have been abused in a way that strikes at the very core of their being.
Here are some signs to look for:
You are being belittled, shamed, or otherwise punished for not measuring up to another person's spiritual beliefs and values.
You are being gaslighted by a spiritual leader or family member. That is, others are trying to make you feel like you're crazy.
Inconsistent leaders. They demand things of you that they do not do themselves.
Intimidation or force is being used to coerce compliance in beliefs or behaviors.
Your home or church no longer feels safe.
Leaders in the church or at home use Scripture, intimidation, or threats to remain in power.
Where Can It Happen?
Spiritual abuse can happen anywhere but most commonly occurs in homes and churches. Scripture can and is often unfortunately weaponized to exert control over a spouse or children.
In a sense, all abuse has a spiritual component. Abuse denies or misshapes a person's sense of what is true, good, and wholesome.
In short, abuse denies a person their own sense of reality. If your spiritual life has become dry and arid, and the signs listed above resonate with you, we can help. Therapists at Counseling Alliance® have advanced training in recognizing and treating spiritual abuse. Stop the cycle. Find healing for yourself as well as others in your family.
BETRAYED PARTNER SUPPORT
Are You A Betrayed Partner?
Have you experienced a betrayal? If your partner struggles with sex, porn or love addiction you are not alone, and help is available for betrayed partners. Many who are in a romantic relationship with someone struggling with sex, love, or porn addiction believe that since their partner has the problem, they don't need counseling. However, this belief doesn't take the impact of discovering the person you thought you could trust has betrayed you into consideration. While the addiction may be your partner's problem, you have suffered a traumatic discovery.
Get Help
Highly trained, compassionate counselors at Counseling Alliance LLC can provide many options for support as you walk though the journey of healing. Many partners remain stuck in their pain and trauma. We offer healing and hope!
TRAUMA TREATMENT
Trauma is a strong word. Trauma also impacts people very differently. Even the small hurts of life take a toll when repeated. Unfortunately, some experience hurts that are anything but small.
Trauma comes in many forms. So too does treatment. In addition to the traditional 50-minute session, group therapy, and telehealth, we offer our JUMPSTART TO HEALING® programs for trauma include a thorough assessment and individualized treatment in a safe, inviting setting. These extended sessions can be 1-day up to 5-days. This options provides a great opportunity to get a lot accomplished in just a few days.
