Surviving Mother's Day

Holidays can be difficult for those who have experienced loss. 

OK, deep breath. I can do this. There’s only 24 hours and then it is over. I can just hold out for the 24 hours and avoid everything, it won’t be so bad. Mother’s day is approaching and for many the day is not filled with flowers, sunshine and brunch. This day is filled with dread, pain and memories of loss. This day can bring up memories of the loss of your own mother whether they have passed or possibly through a current poor relationship. Or this day can bring the memories of never having been a mother. Never feeling life grow inside of you can be a painful feeling. The loss of a child can take the joy out of the day for anyone. Does this sound like how you feel when Mother’s Day comes around every year?

Grief is a natural response to any loss in our life. It is an emotional pain that we feel when we lose something or someone in our life. Grief can impact not only your emotional health but your physical health as well. Grief can leave you in a state of shock, guilt, shame or continued sadness. In turn, it can impact your sleep, eating habits and even clarity of thoughts. Many times, someone struggling with grief has no desire or drive to do anything. They are surviving life itself. They are moving from one day to the next in survival mode.  

Loss is real and it is personal. Loss is something that all of us experience at one time in our life. Loss can be a friendship, job, relationship and/or health. Loss can come from a miscarriage or even safety after experiencing trauma. Loss is something that we should not be ashamed of feeling. It is real and it is important for us to identify in order for us to be able to move to a healthy place in our lives with it. For many, our loss can become our identity. The revelation of not being able to have children can become the identity of the individual and/or couple. The trauma experience that stole our safety can become our identity. We feel that we walk around with the label of our loss on us. That this is how we see ourselves and how others see us.  

Stages of Grief:

Denial: “This can’t be really happening to me.”

Anger: “Why does bad things happen to me? Why, me…this is not fair.”

Bargaining: “If you take this away, I will….”. I will be a better person if you take this away.”

Depression: “I don’t feel like getting out of bed.” “I don’t want to do anything.”

Acceptance: “Although life may not be the same, I have peace and hope.”

Stages of Grief can be similar but how and when we move through them looks different for everyone. Grief is an individual experience. There is no set timetable for grieving. The healing happens gradually and cannot be forced or rushed. It can happen in weeks, months or even can take years. As long as we are taking the steps to healing, allow yourself the patience in your journey.

Steps to Healing:

 There are steps we can take to help begin the steps toward healing. Here are some helpful things to consider when looking at ways to cope with the emotions and feelings and find way to begin to move forward with your life.

1. Identify and name your pain. Acknowledge it. It is easy to run and hide from the root of our pain; but in the long run it will only cause more suffering.  

2. Be kind to yourself. We are often are own worst critic. We are harder on ourselves than anyone else could be. Take a breath and know that you are in pain and are in need of healthy self-care.

3. Don’t measure your healing by other people’s. Remember that everyone’s grief story is different. Our past experiences and life circumstances can impact how quickly we can move forward and that is ok.  

4. Embrace the fact that your grief can be triggered by different things in life. Embrace the emotions and feelings. Hiding from them or avoiding can just delay your healing.  

5. Take care of yourself physically. Find a sleep routine, eat well, get out and move around.

6. Don’t do this alone. Find healthy support. Find people you can rely on to be there for you. Whether through a local or virtual support group, church group or friends/family. Seek out a therapist that can provide you a safe environment to help navigate you through the process.  

We can’t make certain holidays, like Mother’s Day, disappear but we can find ways to help us be OK to move forward each year as the day approaches. Find space for yourself. Know that you are not alone and that you don’t need to feel shame for not enjoying this Holiday (or others) right now.  

If you are in need of finding support, contact us at 513-376-9757 and ask to schedule with a therapist today. Take the brave step now to finding support through your grief. You can do this and we are here and waiting to help.